Therapy for Men

Hey, man.

 

Your partner isn't supposed to be your therapist.

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Your friend isn't supposed to be your therapist.

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Your co-worker isn't supposed to be your therapist.

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Reading through endless subreddits and following social media influencer accounts isn't therapy, either.

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You need an outlet where you can speak freely, embrace the power of vulnerability, and unburden yourself without any drama that could damage your relationships.

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You want a return on investment of the time, money, and energy that you put into therapy because that's what matters most - positive therapy outcomes.

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You need a therapist who can actually help you because you deserve to build a life worth living. This relationship needs to feel right, and you want a therapist who will join you through the truth, tell you like it is, and help you add the best tools for your toolbox along the way.

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The Inner Critic part of you, who can be very loud and persuasive, says, "Be a man and fix it on your own". That's not a bad part of you. It's trying to protect you. Matter of fact, there are no bad parts of you. Some parts of you just need to be welcomed, seen, and unburdened, and then they won't judge you so damn much.

 

Many men don't typically seek mental health treatment. If they do, then they don't typically receive gender-specific care. Working with an experienced male therapist as Your Right Hand Therapy Man can help make it easier to "Unpack the Man Box" as you get clear on what kinds of healthy, practical and mindful masculinities work for you and the people who you love.

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The Man Box is a concept used to illustrate "the collective socialization of men".

 

Boys often learn many expectations about how to be a man while growing up:

• Do not cry or openly express emotions (with the exception of anger)

• Do not express weakness or fear

• Demonstrate power and control (especially over women)

• Do not be "like a women" or "a gay man"

• Be tough, athletic, strong, courageous

• View women as property / sexual objects

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As a therapist, we often share and talk about The Man Box in therapy. Many clients have never heard of it before. However, once we start sharing and talking about it, they often tell us, "I've never heard it described that way, but I know exactly what that is".

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Anger - you know anger because "Real men get mad".

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Sexual Excitement - you know that real well. 

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Sadness - you know sadness but if you showed it, then boom - harsh judgment. You were told, "Don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about" as a boy and then it became harder for you to express sadness as a man.

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Anxiety and Fear - you know anxiety and fear too, but if you showed it, then boom - more critical judgment, policing you for violating The Man Box by feeling natural, human emotions. You were told, "Don't be a wimp" as a boy and then it became harder for you to admit to anyone that you felt anxious or afraid.

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Avoiding emotions and pretending to be fine can be exhausting, and potentially harmful to self and others.

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All of that harsh criticism and judgment came from someone and from somewhere in your life. Unfortunately, it's common in a patriarchal society.

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Oppressive and repressive gender norms and expectations of patriarchal masculinity have been passed down from one generation to the next.

 

You internalized these norms and expectations as your own Inner Critic telling you what to do, what not to do, what to feel, what not to feel, and how to be a man.

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You've learned how to be the Macho Man, the Tough Guy, the Athlete, the Cool Guy, and the Sex Machine.

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Funny thing is, there are countless other parts of you. However, many people, yourself included, may quickly judge and police you and your beliefs, opinions, emotions, behaviors, lifestyle choices, and even your gender status whenever they think you're not being "man enough".

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We can help you, and we're not here to judge you for anything. We can also understand why you'd rather avoid it and say, "I don't want to talk about it".

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Mindful Masculinity starts with mindfulness and self-awareness by paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and without judgment. 

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Breathe deeply. Inhale through your nose, hold for four seconds, exhale through your mouth, hold, and repeat. Deep breathing can help calm and relax anxiety, transform guilt and shame, and melt away the guarded armor defending your from the vulnerability of mindful self-awareness and emotional & relational life.

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Men are more likely to experience anger, stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem when their manhood (i.e., "gender status") is called into question.

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Shame, guilt, and anxiety start to creep in, and they get tangled up with our core emotions like anger, fear, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement. These are all natural, human emotions.

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Men often try to defend and protect themselves somehow (e.g., avoidance, denial, depression) from all of the big, overwhelming emotions.

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Being stoic and unemotional, doom-scrolling, playing video games, gambling, binge drinking booze, smoking and vaping nicotine, getting high, masturbating to pornography, sleeping it off, over-eating, over-working, over-exercising, stonewalling, isolating, withdrawing from others, and being tough can all become harmful forms of emotional avoidance, which actually creates additional, unintended stress.

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Unfortunately, male avoidance of emotions is a common factor that contributes to internalized attacks against the Self (e.g., anxiety, depression, shame, negative self-image, etc.) and also externalized attacks toward other people (physical, sexual, and verbal aggression).

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You're tired of trying to prove that you're "man enough".

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We can help you slow down, tune in, and sort things out.

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Working with an experienced male therapist can give you the safe space, outlet & sounding board, and therapeutic support that you need to untangle all of your thoughts, emotions, and defense behaviors while we learn more about what you need, get to the heart of it, and get you that return on your investment.