Therapy for Grief & Loss

Man, it hurts.

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But on the outside, you have to be solid while you groove in and out of each work day. Wearing a mask to reduce your risk of exposure to COVID-19 was one thing, but wearing guarded armor to hide your emotions and protect your manhood, like what? That's exhausting.

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Masking, hiding, and avoiding your emotions is fake, self-destructive, and relationally harmful. We avoid emotions because that's what many traditional ideals of masculinity have trained us to do - "Be a Man".

 

Usually, it's in times of isolation when you're alone - weekday mornings, weekday evenings, in the shower, on your way to bed, or over the weekend - that you may give yourself time to grieve briefly, but you suffer in silence.​

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You feel emotionally overwhelmed, but you don't say anything about it to anyone. And, if someone asks what's up, then you may say, "I don't want to talk about it".

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Maybe you do want to talk about it, but the conversation doesn't go where it needs to go because other people can't tolerate the heavy weight of emotional grief, and so they say something that they think will be helpful - it's usually not helpful - and then rush to change the subject. A part of you might even feel relieved by that because you don't want to burden them.

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We want you to feel, heal, and grow in a safe space, and we can understand why you'd rather just fix it or avoid it.

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Men are more likely to experience anger, stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem when their gender status (i.e., “manhood”) is called into question, and so men put on their guarded armor and pretend to be OK in their everyday performance for other people, proving that they're "man enough" to handle it.

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Inhibitory emotions like shame, guilt, and anxiety get in the way and get tangled up with our core emotions like anger, fear, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement. These are all natural, human ​emotions. Men are especially trained to avoid, defend, and deny them.

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Have you ever heard that men do no openly cry or express emotions (except for anger)? That's a stereotype. Men have emotions. It's a biological fact. It's a harmful message for men be told that they're weak for feeling vulnerable emotions and expressing them.

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Here's another problem. The defense may help a little bit. But the truth is that being stoic and unemotional, drinking booze, smoking, getting high, sleeping it off, over-eating, over-working, over-exercising, having risky sex, depending on pornography and masturbation, and being tough - they're all examples of emotional avoidance and self-medication - unhealthy coping mechanisms - which, often, actually creates additional & unintended stress.

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Unfortunately, emotional avoidance is a common factor  that contributes to internalized attacks against the Self (e.g., anxiety, depression, shame, negative self-image, etc.) and also externalized attacks toward other people (physical, sexual, and verbal aggression).

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We can help you slow down, tune in, and sort things out.

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Grief is a natural, multifaceted, and multicultural experience regardless of the reasons for loss including death and non-death forms of grief - aging & life transitions, medical conditions, bereavement, child loss, perinatal loss, pet loss, divorce, separation, rejection,  election loss, promotion loss, employment loss, financial loss, and everyday losses that happen to people.

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There were big, small, and everything in between losses that many millions of people around the world suffered since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.

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We all take the L at some point in time and in some way, shape, or form. One guarantee in life is that no one survives unscathed. We all experience grief & loss.

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Experiences may vary although it's common to experience "The Five Stages of Grief" like Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. "The Sixth Stage of Grief" - Finding Meaning - "can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience".​

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Working with a mindful therapist can give you the safe space, secure outlet, and professional support that you need to untangle all of your thoughts, emotions, and defense behaviors while we unburden the parts of you that need time and space to be seen, heard, and understood without judgment as you feel, heal, and grow.